Archive for August, 2009

Be Smart—Get Direct

Monday, August 24th, 2009

Do you ever beat around the bush with what you want, to the point where you kick yourself after the fact and ask: why did I say it that way?

Yeah, me too. In my professional and personal lives. From passively telling a client that uh, well, maybe you should change your title for this piece (her response was a very astute and amused: I can read between the lines and I will change it) to consistently frustrating my boyfriend with my incomprehensible questions (and, well, moods), the truth is I need to be more straightforward.

So I stumbled upon this great story about “communication breakdowns” in Psychology Today, which not only highlights my dilemma, but gives reasons why I [we] do it.

“We are most misunderstood when we are not direct,” says the author, Michael J. Formica (this guy knows what he’s talking about!). “If we spent more time speaking up and saying out loud what is on our mind, rather than living in our heads and making up stories about what is going on, then we’d presumably have a much better time of it.”

A ha! So direct IS the way to go…Now I can really work on this…

And a quick bonus: OK so now I know it’s better to speak up, but how the heck do I do that? My friend Loren gives some great tips in her new Life Tuneups book about summoning your gentle strength, including creating a ritual for when you have to get up the courage to be direct:

So go get ‘em, tiger. And get moving. I’ll do the same.

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